


when it rains (it fucking pours)

by kindnesswithpeopletreat



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Astraphobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Phobias, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thunder and Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:53:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindnesswithpeopletreat/pseuds/kindnesswithpeopletreat
Summary: A suddenly appearing thunderstorm forced Levi's Squad into an abandoned hut.While the others are starting to relax, even the sturdy walls offer Levi no protection from his rushing thoughts and growing fear.Will he manage to keep up his reputation or will he break under the gaze of his subordinates?
Relationships: Hange Zoë & Levi, Hange Zoë/Levi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 59





	when it rains (it fucking pours)

Dark clouds moved like a black cloth in front of the now disappearing sun as Levi's Squad rushed through the dense forest.

Hard hoof beats whirled up earth and sand, shirts were sweaty and bodies and minds equally exhausted as they desperately tried to find a place to stay for the night.

A spontaneous control ride — not particularly strenuous..

Oh, please! — Tell that to the twenty-plus stubborn Titans who suddenly appeared out of nowhere. It had been a surprisingly simple but prolonged battle that resulted in their leaden fatigue — Arlert could barely hold himself upright on the horse, and Sasha's and Connie's eyes closed briefly at regular intervals.

The rebuke, which had almost left his lips, was stopped by a quick shake of Levi's head — they had fought well and the only thing that mattered was that they were all still alive.

He could consider himself lucky there was no human among the lumpish, stinking, and especially dead Titan bodies today.

Eren's loud voice tore him out of his thoughts.

“Hey — Over there! It kind of looks like an abandoned farmhouse!”  
His outstretched finger pointed to a dump of a house.

Jean wrinkled his nose: “That little shack? Eren, it looks like a goat stable.”

The first lightning bolt startled Levi, and he pressed his thighs a little closer into the hair of his horse.

Eren turned around and rolled his eyes:   
“Oh great Jean! — that suits you just perfectly, Horseface! “

Although Levi was very concerned about tidiness and cleanliness, he couldn't care less at the moment what his home looked like for that night.

His main priority was that he could take shelter inside before the storm started to get awful.

With a loud groan Hanji made her horse stop right in front of the hut and signalled the others with one hand movement to do the same:

“Boys just stop it — Well, I have to agree with Jean, it's not a five-star hotel but it should be enough for the night. Come on, tie up the horses.”

One by one they jumped off their horses and lightly tapped the coarsest dirt from their clothes.  
The door creaked loudly under Hanji's fingers as she tried to open it.

With Mikasa's help, it jumped open with a loud bang and the two women staggered slightly into their new sleeping quarters.

Jean was right -

Only a sad-looking, dry pile of straw was lying in the corner of the stony ground, which suggests that this room was most likely used for some kind of animal farming in the past.

Maybe sheep? It felt strange to imagine the woolly animals chewing and sleeping here.

How fitting that Levi now felt exactly like them — Like a damn small, scared, stupid sheep trying to hide from the storm and the whole world.

Their gear rattled loudly on the hard floor as they put it down.

Levi was still standing in the doorway.

Next to the straw on which Connie and Eren had now settled, there was a worn out looking door.

Maybe a storage room used for shitty carrots and hay or maybe even cleaning supplies.

He preferred the latter by far.  
The ever-increasing wind blew in his back coldly.

God, even if there were millions and millions of cockroaches living in the storage room and century old dust, he would prefer it one hundred percent to the damn hay room.

At least then he could have a little more privacy during his mental breakdown over a little rain.  
Although they could most likely hear him through the thin walls anyway, trying to count to three like a lunatic.

If he would just pull himself together, nobody would notice, would they?

After particularly sleepless nights, Hanji had given him some worried looks at breakfast but it wasn't as if she had found out that the heavy storms the night before were the reason for it - No, shitty glasses is very clever but she couldn't have possibly found out - But what if she did?

Levi was automatically ashamed at the mere thought of it - God forbid he should embarrass himself with his subordinates like that.

No, he would just have to make an effort and not let them notice, it would be all right, absolutely nothing to it - 

"Levi? Would you go outside with Sasha and Mikasa and check out the surroundings again? " 

Hanji knelt on the ground and tried to start a fire.  
A strand of sweaty hair stuck to her face as she looked at him pleadingly.

How convenient that he hadn't made himself comfortable yet anyway - on the other hand he would never have refused her a request anyways.

With a short snort that was hopefully understood as an answer by Hanji he made a hard turn and opened the door not very gently.

Mikasa and Sasha looked at him expectantly while Levi was still fighting himself in his head.

The grass under his feet consisted mostly of wet mud that splashed onto his white pants.

"Okay - What are we going to do?"

The branches of the trees bent at an unhealthy angle and he felt like the leaves resembled passengers of a too wild roller coaster ride because of their heavy trembling.

"Captain? Are you all right?"

Sasha stopped eating her bread and gave him a light concerned look while Mikasa frowned.

"Sure, I'll...I'll check around the back of the house and you'll keep an eye out for Titans in the front, got it?"

With a motivated nod the two girls separated and swarmed out to the left and right.

Levi himself turned around in relief.  
Now that they were gone, he could exhale a long breath that he didn't even know he had held that long.

He shook his head,  
Pull yourself together,  
Levi, you're not a fucking pussy,  
Erwin would have looked at you with pity if he could see you now -  
he snorted, if, if, if...  
Erwin was dead!

A bright lightning bolt struck in the distance. The tree split and then toppled over. Hectically Levi stepped back, although he knew for sure that the lightning had been too far away from him to hurt him. 

His boots were muddy and his breath was only going in jerks.  
But the thought of Erwin remained, just like the looks all the shitty recruits gave him back then when everyone thought they were better than him: "You underground piece of shit! Levi,tell me, how many dicks have you sucked to get into this program without any training?"

The thunder afterwards made Levi whine.  
He sounded like a scared dog - but maybe that was all he was now.

His hand hurt, he clasped his swords so tightly, ready to fight the shitty storm that scared him so much like when he was five years old,and his mother just won't open the door, it's raining cats and dogs and the bread in his little hands is already soaking wet - it was the only food for today- but she won't open..  
Loud thunder cracked above him, Tears left his eyes, she didn't open, he started knocking more violently on the old door, it didn't open, he felt dampness in his trousers and the neighbour's boy laughed, but he was also with his family in the dry house and Levi was soaked from top to bottom, his body shook with cold and fear, anger and shame and his mother was dead, dead, dead and could never open the door for him again.

He blinked severly times, trying to vanish the pictures from his mind.  
There were no titans in the whole wide area behind him and even after the sixth hectic look back everything was still okay.

seven,eight - Was that a Titan? Levi turned around as quick as lightning, despite it trembling, his weapon hand was in the air and..It was a shadow, Levi, only a shadow..I'm going crazy, I can't..- nine,ten,eleven,twelve. He inhaled sharply and felt safe enough to call for Sasha and Mikasa.  
Levi wanted to get into the damn warm goat stable as soon as possible and out of his personal hell.

**Author's Note:**

> -English is not my first language -
> 
> I would really appreciate feedback :)  
> Thank you for reading!!


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